She's a Writer, Artist, Publisher...

After a Lifetime in Large Urban Areas, this West-Coast Urban Girl has moved to the Country to start a New Life in a Small Town in Vermont... Watch her bumble her way and conquer!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

First Chapter! - Pagan Persuasion: All Olympus Descends on Regency



At last! Here is the first-ever excerpt from my new hilarious Jane Austen parody, Pagan Persuasion: All Olympus Descends on Regency (Supernatural Jane Austen Series), coming very soon!

And now, enjoy a complete first chapter!

Chapter 1


S
ing, O bright goddess, a paean to the resentment of Poseidon, god of the salty seas, and the annoyance of Athena, clear-eyed goddess of war and wisdom. The resentment and annoyance were the result of an altogether uncivil unwillingness, on both godly sides, to hold amiable discourse over something as negligible as the patronage of one puny mortal city on the rocky shores of the Aegean. . . .
When asked to choose their divine protector, the citizens preferred Athena’s gift of an olive tree to Poseidon’s gift of a saltwater spring (seriously, what was Poseidon thinking? even seaweed salad would have made a better impression), and cast their votes[1] accordingly.
Naturally, the charming and delightful goddess Athena won. Everyone got olives and the city was named Athens. Meanwhile, Poseidon departed in a fit of pique, muttering to himself, and striking random rock formations along the shore of the Aegean—bringing forth yet more salty fountains and puddles and random items of dubious value, and at some point causing a pair of magnificent horses to spring forth and gallop away into the hills. But since no one from the city remained to witness this far more useful miracle, the creation of horses went uncredited and unappreciated. As a result, Poseidon was decidedly not amused. And he remained thus, not amused, for decades, for generations, for thousands of years, taking out his displeasure on occasional schools of fish and frequent schools of mortals of Hellenistic background swimming around in triremes, including the clever hero Odysseus and the entire Achaean invading fleet at Troy.
Athena in turn was very displeased with Poseidon’s reaction (tedious water shortages in her city, frogs and tadpoles everywhere, moss on marble, moaning sounds coming from deep wells to scare away the good matrons, soup taking forever to boil), and hence all things pertaining to salty liquids and large bodies of water. And thus the goddess made a point of doling out persuasive barbs of wisdom, sarcasm, and subtle advice against Poseidon and everything of a nautical nature, to everyone she took under[2] her aegis—literally and figuratively.
This discord went on and on (and on, and on, and on), god and goddess disparaging each other, fish scales and owl feathers flying. One would think that after about three thousand years the two deities would be divinely sick of holding a grudge, but no. . . . It only grew, taking on the force of legend, and turning into a poetic nonsense of epic proportions, which consequently bound many gods and mortals together unto the ages, via dactylic[3] hexameter.
But, gentle reader, we are getting somewhat ahead of ourselves.

Monday, December 3, 2012

FREE on Kindle! - Vampires are from Venus, Werewolves are from Mars

SURPRISE! I have a new book out,
and it's FREE on Amazon Kindle all week!

Vampires are from Venus,
Werewolves are from Mars:

(A Comprehensive Guide to Attracting Supernatural Love)
by Vera Nazarian


It's a hilarious parody of love and supernatural relationship advice, and it's free until *midnight*, Friday, December 7th!
...
Grab yours now!
...


Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Witchy Witch Books for Halloween!

Halloween is almost here! 

And here's your chance to stock up on FREE, and 99 cent, and amazingly discounted wonderful ebooks from a variety of great authors, featuring witches, witchcraft, and related topics, ranging from creepy to hilarious!

Clock on the fun image, or click here to go directly to the books sale and giveaway!

Browse, enjoy, grab as many as you can!


Thursday, October 25, 2012

Jane Austen Blog Hop Winners!

And now, the lucky winners of the Supernatural Jane Austen Series Trifecta Giveaway are:

Ashley Williams
 

Alicia 

Jessica (Peace Love Books)


Congratulations!!!

I will be emailing you shortly with your choice of ebook!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Supernatural Jane Austen Series - Giveaway Trifecta and Blog Hop!

It's October, time for chills and thrills as the holiday season gets underway, and it's also time for a fun Jane Austen Blog Hop, October 19th to 24th, hosted by I Am A Reader, Not A Writer and vvb32reads!

Here at Urban Girl Takes Vermont, I am giving away a Trifecta of ebooks in the hilarious and romantic Supernatural Jane Austen Series!

Simply comment below, and three lucky winners will be randomly selected to get a free ebook of their choice of Mansfield Park and Mummies, or Northanger Abbey and Angels and Dragons, or Pride and Platypus!

Good luck!

After you comment below for your chance to win, be sure to continue to the next blog in the Jame Austen Blog Hop, for more fun giveaways and prizes!!!

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Winners Announcements! For September Contests and Giveways!

Okay! It's time to announce the winners for the three contests and giveaways of September!


The winner of the Hilarious Fake Regency Blurbs Contest as part of this year’s Austenesque Extravaganza hosted by the wonderful Meredith Esparza and Jakki Leatherberry, and for my part in this Traveling Tuesday#2, is...

Lieder Madchen! -- You get a copy of Pride and Platypus!



The winner of the Supernatural Jane Austen Series Quiz and Giveaway hosted by Austen Authors is...

Monica P! -- You get a copy of Pride and Platypus!



The winner of the Dark Jane Austen Book Club Mansfield Park and Mummies September Reading Selection Giveaway is...

Valerie A.! -- You get a copy of Mansfield Park and Mummies!


Congratulations to all the lucky winners! 

If you have not already done so, please contact me ASAP with your mailing address! :-)

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Hilarious Fake Regency Blurbs Contest!



I am thrilled to be a part of this year’s Austenesque Extravaganza hosted by the wonderful Meredith Esparza and Jakki Leatherberry, and for my part in this Traveling Tuesday#2, I’m holding a contest with fabulous prizes!

It’s a Fake Regency Blurbs Contest!


Those of you who’ve read my Supernatural Jane Austen Series books such as Mansfield Park and Mummies, Northanger Abbey and Angels and Dragons, and the latest, Pride and Platypus: Mr. Darcy’s Dreadful Secret, know that the back cover of each trade paperback edition (and the beginning of the interior of each ebook edition) contains some pretty amazing, hilarious, and rather shocking faux blurbs from supposed contemporaries of the Regency period.

These are utterances from ladies and gentlemen (and some unspeakable others, such as monstrous ducks, or ghostly shades) who have read the book (or found and recognized themselves in the book) and deigned to comment on it in public, in the form of a brief quote.

See below for some hilarious examples at the end of this post.

For this contest, you will need to write a similar blurb, for any one of the three current books in the series (take your pick!), in Regency period style!

The best, funniest, wittiest, and most appropriate blurb will be judged the Grand Prize Winner according to the four criteria below, and the author of the winning entry will receive a trade paperback autographed copy of Pride and Platypus!

In addition (with your permission, of course), the winning blurb may be used in an upcoming hardcover edition, and the winning author will be credited inside the book!

Also, if it turns out there are more entries we really like, there will be runner up winners (as many as necessary), and they will receive an ebook of their choice, plus a chance to be included in the hardcover edition!

Four Criteria for the Fake Blurb


  1. Blurb must be written in period-appropriate Regency style.
  2. Blurb must be witty—funny but tasteful, a la Jane Austen.
  3. Blurb must be “signed” either by a lady or a gentleman or an appropriate character.
  4. Blurb must refer to (or hint at) elements of my Supernatural version of the book, not just the Austen original.

Contest Entry Instructions:

  1. Study the examples of the funny fake blurbs at the end of this post.
  2. Pick a book in the series for which you will write your funny blurb.
  3. Write your blurb according to four criteria
  4. Post it in the comments section below, together with your name and email (to contact you if you win).

Entry Deadline—last day of the Austenesque Extravaganza, or last day of September!

Are you ready? ... Set? ... Go!


Now, enjoy the hilarious fake blurb examples!



REGENCY ERA PRAISE FOR…
Mansfield Park and Mummies

A Brilliant Parody of a Portrait!”
A Certain Lady

I fought for first possession of this tome at the Lending Library, sustaining but negligible injury to my person. It is regrettable, however, that the Duchess of K. may never walk again.”
A Gentleman of Taste

Is it so entirely wrong to love a Mummy?”
A Lady of Erudition

Do not allow impressionable young persons near this dreadful book; it is a moral travesty, containing Theatrical scenes and blatant Acting.”
A Gentleman of Breeding

QUACK!”
The Brighton Duck


REGENCY ERA PRAISE FOR…
Northanger Abbey and Angels and Dragons

Fie! This flimsy tome is nothing but a bore. I found no mention of my own person between its vulgar pages.”
A Lady of Prominence

I called out the Marquis of G. over this book. We dueled; I was vilely injured. As a result, there is a dire possibility I may not produce heirs. But it was all decidedly worth it!’
A Gentleman of the World

Angels! Angels, by Jove! What a rare amusement! And genuine dragons in Bath? Why was I not informed of this?”
A Certain Regent

A rather pleasant little trifle of a novel. Hardly an adequate travelogue of Bath. But a fair warning of its nightly terrors!”
A Lady of Fortune

This volume stands as a cautionary tale to the young people of our fair isle. Disdain fashion and pursue fortune, but not treasure; and above all, stand clear of Bath and Brighton and its ducks!”
A Retired Admiral

Where might one be able to procure a walking-shovel?”
A Gentleman of Fashion

Mrs. Radcliffe and her horrid novels are a travesty, not suitable for impressionable young ladies. As for this dreadful volume, it has given me the vapors.”
A Lady of Delicate Constitution

This is what happens to young ladies left to fend for themselves and wholly unsupervised. Angels! Dragons! Ducks! Where in all this was her chaperone?”
A Lady of Propriety

QUACK!”
The Brighton Duck


REGENCY ERA PRAISE FOR…
Pride and Platypus: Mr. Darcy’s Dreadful Secret

A sufficiently pleasing literary trifle. Only, might one be kind enough to explain why a certain gentleman constantly finds himself in wet shirtsleeves for no apparent reason?”
A Gentleman of Impeccable Attire

I require an introduction to this Mr. Darcy, in all haste. Does the gentleman possess a male unattached sibling? Preferably, with a proper beastly Affliction, in place of what the gentleman himself suffers?”
A Lady of Elegance

An outrage indeed! My own person and relations, to be thus referenced in this vile compendium of vulgarity! Why, this is not to be borne! Also, I recommend emu oil for polishing wooden surfaces.”
A Certain Lady of Rosings

I would have it known that, in my present condition, I am not altogether concerned with pollution.”
A Shade of Pemberley

There is entirely no excuse for the unseemly public behavior of some people’s gauche relations. I have returned this distasteful tome to the Lending Library, and shall henceforth endeavour to forget all of which I have inadvertently read in one sitting.”
A Gentleman of Distinction

I have been placed in numerous sequels, adored and worshiped by millions, scrutinized, analyzed, satirized, undressed, dressed again and soaked in various water reservoirs, and parodied in every manner possible, but never quite so audaciously as in this tome!”
Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy

The gentleman with the satirical eye is being entirely too modest. Furthermore, for inexplicable reasons, he has also been seen in more wet shirtsleeves than all the Royal Navy on the high seas and the House of Lords after a London downpour, and I am yet to understand the mystery behind it.”
Miss Elizabeth Bennet

QUACK!”
The Brighton Duck

Monday, May 14, 2012

Eleven... and Power Tools!

Today is our eleven month anniversary of living in Vermont... 

I mowed the front lawn for the first time! 

Yes, don't laugh, Urban Girl is using power tools! :-)))))

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Would You Marry Mr. Collins?

 Today I blog at Austen Authors:


Be sure to note that in the entry above there's also a tiny teaser about my upcoming contemporary humorous and romantic novel Armenian, Looking for Mr. Darcy (think, My Big Fat Greek Wedding meets Jane Austen's Book Club)...

Also, if you missed last month's entry:

Regency Romance Tropes and Jane Austen

Enjoy!