I am thrilled to be a part of this
year’s Austenesque Extravaganza hosted by the wonderful
Meredith Esparza and Jakki Leatherberry, and for my part in this Traveling Tuesday#2, I’m holding a contest with fabulous prizes!
These are utterances from ladies and
gentlemen (and some unspeakable others, such as
monstrous ducks, or ghostly shades) who have read the book (or found
and recognized themselves in the book) and deigned to comment on it
in public, in the form of a brief quote.
See below for some
hilarious examples at the end of this post.
For this contest, you will need to
write a similar blurb, for any one of the three current
books in the series (take your pick!), in Regency period style!
The best, funniest, wittiest, and most
appropriate blurb will be judged the Grand Prize Winner
according to the four criteria below, and the author of the winning
entry will receive a trade paperback autographed copy of Pride and
In addition (with your permission, of
course), the winning blurb may be used in an upcoming
hardcover edition, and the winning author will be credited
inside the book!
Also, if it turns out there are more
entries we really like, there will be runner up winners (as
many as necessary), and they will receive an ebook of their
choice, plus a chance to be included in the hardcover edition!
Four Criteria for the Fake Blurb
Blurb must be written in
period-appropriate Regency style.
Blurb must be witty—funny
but tasteful, a la Jane Austen.
Blurb must be “signed”
either by a lady or a gentleman or an appropriate character.
Blurb must refer to (or hint at)
elements of my Supernatural version of the book, not
just the Austen original.
Contest Entry Instructions:
Study the examples of the funny fake
blurbs at the end of this post.
Pick a book in the series for which
you will write your funny blurb.
Write your blurb according to four
Post it in the comments section
below, together with your name and email (to contact you if you win).
Entry Deadline—last day of the
Austenesque Extravaganza, or last day of September!
Are you ready? ... Set? ... Go!
enjoy the hilarious fake blurb examples!
ERA PRAISE FOR…
Park and Mummies
Brilliant Parody of a Portrait!”
fought for first possession of this tome at the Lending Library,
sustaining but negligible injury to my person. It is regrettable,
however, that the Duchess of K. may never walk again.”
Gentleman of Taste
it so entirely wrong to love a Mummy?”
Lady of Erudition
not allow impressionable young persons near this dreadful book; it is
a moral travesty, containing Theatrical scenes and blatant Acting.”
Gentleman of Breeding
ERA PRAISE FOR…
Abbey and Angels and Dragons
This flimsy tome is nothing but a bore. I found no mention of my own
person between its vulgar pages.”
Lady of Prominence
called out the Marquis of G. over this book. We dueled; I was vilely
injured. As a result, there is a dire possibility I may not produce
heirs. But it was all decidedly worth it!’
Gentleman of the World
Angels, by Jove! What a rare amusement! And genuine dragons in Bath?
Why was I not informed of this?”
rather pleasant little trifle of a novel. Hardly an adequate
travelogue of Bath. But a fair warning of its nightly terrors!”
Lady of Fortune
volume stands as a cautionary tale to the young people of our fair
isle. Disdain fashion and pursue fortune, but not treasure; and above
all, stand clear of Bath and Brighton and its ducks!”
might one be able to procure a walking-shovel?”
Gentleman of Fashion
Radcliffe and her horrid novels are a travesty, not suitable for
impressionable young ladies. As for this dreadful volume, it has
given me the vapors.”
Lady of Delicate Constitution
is what happens to young ladies left to fend for themselves and
wholly unsupervised. Angels! Dragons! Ducks! Where in all this was
Lady of Propriety
ERA PRAISE FOR…
and Platypus: Mr. Darcy’s Dreadful Secret
sufficiently pleasing literary trifle. Only, might one be kind enough
to explain why a certain gentleman constantly finds himself in wet
shirtsleeves for no apparent reason?”
Gentleman of Impeccable Attire
require an introduction to this Mr. Darcy, in all haste. Does the
gentleman possess a male unattached sibling? Preferably, with a
proper beastly Affliction, in place of what the gentleman himself
Lady of Elegance
outrage indeed! My own person and relations, to be thus referenced in
this vile compendium of vulgarity! Why, this is not to be borne!
Also, I recommend emu oil for polishing wooden surfaces.”
Certain Lady of Rosings
would have it known that, in my present condition, I am not
altogether concerned with pollution.”
Shade of Pemberley
is entirely no excuse for the unseemly public behavior of some
people’s gauche relations. I have returned this distasteful tome to
the Lending Library, and shall henceforth endeavour to forget all of
which I have inadvertently read in one sitting.”
Gentleman of Distinction
have been placed in numerous sequels, adored and worshiped by
millions, scrutinized, analyzed, satirized, undressed, dressed again
and soaked in various water reservoirs, and parodied in every manner
possible, but never quite so audaciously as in this tome!”
gentleman with the satirical eye is being entirely too modest.
Furthermore, for inexplicable reasons, he has also been seen in more
wet shirtsleeves than all the Royal Navy on the high seas and
the House of Lords after a London downpour, and I am yet to
understand the mystery behind it.”